When your relationship needs a health check

How are you feeling today? It’s surprising how many people are feeling agitated, down, or just plain miserable because of the state of their relationship.

How wrong is that?  You are supposed to be happy and fulfilled in a relationship at the very least, and, at best, deliriously in love.

So give your relationship a quick MoT, and assess whether your relationship just needs a bit of a tune-up or is so corroded the scrapper’s yard is frankly the best option.

Talking though the relationship with a therapist, to help you distill your experience and put it in perspective, can be helpful.

Many people spend years or even decades in relationships without realising how unhappy they are.

One litmus test of happiness is whether you feel good about yourself when you are with your partner.  Does your partner buoy you up and make you feel appreciated, loved and valued?  If the answer is no, or worse, if your partner continually criticises you, or belittles your appearance, your personality or your choices, you might want to ask yourself some deeper questions about whether they are good for you. Do you feel loved and supported by your other half or has your self-esteem or sense of self-worth been dented since you have been with them?

Many relationships, particularly those that have endured for a long time, begin to feel repetitive and tired and may need a little reinvigorating. Children, the tensions of everyday living, or just being plain exhausted from work can put a strain on any relationship. But a broken relationship is different from one that has faltered or has just become familiar. If, fundamentally, the love and mutual respect are there it may just take a little recalibration to revive the magic in your partnership or marriage.

First, don’t take your partner for granted if you want your relationship to endure. Pause for a second and appreciate who your partner is and how good you feel to be with them. Yes people who appreciate their partner, and who shine when they are with them, are more likely to be happy.

It is easy to take someone you know very well for granted. But in a relationship this can lead to mutual misery.

A glamorous and successful couple who have been together for 15 years, felt their marriage was getting stale.  But they wanted to stay together and were determined to save their marriage. So they started going on dates and flirting with each other, and even kissing spontaneously in cafes and parks.  It was cringe making for their friends, but it certainly revived their love life and relationship.

You needn’t go as far as snogging in public, but not taking your partner for granted and spending ten minutes each day behaving towards your partner as if you just met them – that is showing interest in what they have been doing or who they are – can have unexpectedly beneficial results.